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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25545343">All This And Heaven Too</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlowSenpai/pseuds/SlowSenpai'>SlowSenpai</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RuPaul's Drag Race RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Angst, Cheating, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Death, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Religious Guilt, Salem Witch Trial AU, Sharing a Bed, Witchcraft, but hes an asshole tbh, married Trixie, witch Katya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:14:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,893</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25545343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlowSenpai/pseuds/SlowSenpai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1692, Trixie lives in Salem, Massachusetts as the daughter of the colony's religious leader and wife to a wealthy merchant. Her childhood friend Katya comes from a family of witches. When things start to stir in the town, Trixie is forced to confront her own feelings and the things she's believed all her life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sunday Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi everyone! this is my first trixya fanfiction and i'm really excited for it (uwu)<br/>thank you so much to @kitchenspoon who helped me write this T_T ur my emotional support author</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What fools are they who, for a drop of pleasure, drink a sea of wrath." 	</p><p>	Her father's words still rang in her head. Despite the sentiment not being new to Trixie the quote from today's sermon seemed to stick in her head. She'd never thought much about things like this. Temptation was sin and to sin was to go against the will of the Lord. She was raised to value the simplest facets of life. Decoration and excess were a sin and so she was content to live with what she had; her home, her husband, and her best friend.</p><p>	Now, she was on the way to her best friend, Katya's house. It was quite a ways from her church in the village being on the northern side of Ipswich Road. Still, she tried to visit often. They welcomed Trixie into their home like their own blood. Katya's family has always been second to her own despite their differences. </p><p>And Katya's family was... very strange to say the least.</p><p>	Living away from most of the city, the Zamolodchikova family didn't interact with the community much or go to church. Their lack of faith used to horrify Trixie. She had known Katya all her life and they weren't bad people. The thought of her lifelong friend going to hell terrified Trixie to her core. She was sure the church wouldn't accept them but Trixie would do anything to save Katya. She would show her god's unconditional love.</p><p>	It wasn't long before she reached her friend's house. The walk seemed to shorten every time she took it as she briskly passed through Salem into the secluded area where the Zamos resided. It was on the edge of a lush forest filled with pine and wildflowers. She thought about the times she and Katya would play there as children. Where they would play hide and seek or pick herbs for Katya's mother. It was a simpler time, Trixie thought. 	</p><p>	She didn't have much time to reminisce before she was knocking on the hard wooden door to their home. Ms. Zamo had always told her such formalities weren't necessary for family but Trixie had been raised in such a way she was polite to a fault. It had always felt a bit wrong coming in unannounced despite their relationship. </p><p>	Luckily, Ms. Zamo noticed her presence immediately, rushing to open the door for Trixie. The familiar scent of the Zamo house surrounded her at once. It smelled like rosemary and black tea, like old books and fresh bread. "Oh, Trixie, you're here!" Ms. Zamo's smile was wide, her eyes bright as she led Trixie inside. They were careful to step over the salts that surrounded the perimeter of the home. </p><p>	For protection, Ms. Zamo had told her once long ago, to keep the bad out and the good in. That night Trixie's father caught her spilling salt all over the floor and got nothing but a quick beating. She determined it had not been that protective. She was only 7 then although. The smell of bread became even more apparent as she entered the house. Trixie closed her eyes for a moment relishing the delicious smell. </p><p>	Katya sat on the floor of the main room in front of the fireplace as she hung another candle to dry. She turned to look at Trixie with the same bright blue eyes as her mother. Ice blue eyes that she had always envied, looking at Trixie like she'd known her forever. She could never admit that though. "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones," her father told her. God had given her her own beautiful hazel eyes after all</p><p>Trixie joined her friend on the floor, sitting a bit ungracefully on the large burgundy rug. “Can I help you with these?” Trixie asked, less as a question and more as a statement.</p><p> “Oh yes, now that you’re here I’m not slaving away all by myself.” They giggled, Trixie picked up another string, dipping it into the hot wax.</p><p> “So, what did you do today?” Katya wondered aloud to Trixie. </p><p>“Kat, it’s Sunday. What do you think?”</p><p>“Right,” she looked away. </p><p>“How’s John?” </p><p>A timid smile tugged at Trixie’s lips. “He’s just left for Boston this morning. He’ll be gone for a few weeks.” </p><p>Katya perked up, “Oh, really?” Trixie only nodded solemnly. </p><p>“Lunch is ready girls! Malyshka, come get the bowls.” Ms. Zamo called, as she carried a bowl of soup and bread to the table. Katya got up to do as her mother requested and soon they had all gathered at the table. It was cream of mushroom soup with corn and bread, a simple meal but enough to make Trixie’s stomach rumble. Katya watched a bit awkwardly as Trixie said a quick prayer before digging in. </p><p>“Since John is out for a while, Trixie, why don’t you stay with us?” Ms. Zamo inquired. Trixie didn’t quite catch the way her friend’s eye widened at her mother’s proposition. Trixie hadn’t stayed with them in a very long time. They weren’t kids after all, and they had responsibilities. Ever since Trixie had a man to come home to, it seemed less frequent that she’d stay. It didn’t bother her, Katya told herself. Whether or not she truly believed that was debatable.</p><p>“Oh no, I couldn’t, Ms. Z. Really! I don’t want to intrude-” </p><p>“No, I insist, Trixie. You’re always welcome here.” She continued, “I’m sure Katya would enjoy your company anyway.” Trixie met eyes with Katya who had been sitting unusually silent, staring at her bowl like it was suddenly very interesting. </p><p> “Of course,” Katya mumbled. </p><p>Trixie paused for a moment, “Well I guess I could if you don’t mind.” 

</p>
<p>“Wonderful.” </p><p>The rest of the lunch went uneventfully as they ate and Katya thought. She was determined to not let her feelings get to her. She was going to enjoy her time with Trixie like old times. Trixie was anxious about her stay with the Zamos. It really has been a long time since she’s stayed there. Not since her father found out about Katya’s “lifestyle.” Katya was her friend though, she knew she could be saved if Trixie set a godly enough example. </p><p>After lunch, Trixie set off back home to grab some clothes and belongings she’d need for a few weeks' stay. She made sure to leave a letter for her father telling him she’d be visiting a friend out of town. Not technically a lie, Trixie reminded herself. It wasn’t lying to simply not mention the whole truth. Then headed back to Katya’s house.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Friendship Before Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trixie and Katya share a bed and Trixie thinks about the past</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trixie made it back at about 5 pm as the sun started to set, the sky painted with gorgeous pinks and oranges. She shivered, even in her thick coat she could feel the biting winter air. They were lucky no large amounts of snow had fallen despite the cold weather. When she was finally inside, the fire was still roaring. Mr. Zamo was home now, sitting on a chair by the fire, nose deep in the pages of a book.</p><p>Vegetables simmered in the pot above the fire, Ms. Zamo stirring occasionally. </p><p>“Ah, Trixie! Long time no see!” Mr. Zamo greeted her enthusiastically. He spoke loudly and his Russian accent was far more prominent than his wife’s. Trixie was happy to see him all the same.</p><p>“You saw me only last week!” She laughed, taking steps closer to him. </p><p>“Far too long,” He said affectionately. </p><p>As it grew quiet again, Trixie could hear something coming from the bedroom. She went to find a frustrated Katya grumbling over a large book and a few candles.  She didn’t seem to notice as Trixie walked up and peered over at the writing. She couldn’t make out much but some strange symbols. She didn’t have time to wonder further before Katya let out a small high-pitched scream. “aAA wHO-” It started Trixie almost just as much as she stumbled back a bit. </p><p>Katya’s expression changed instantly upon seeing who it was and she smiled. “Oh, hello Beatrice is that you?” She said in that funny voice she’d always do. Trixie couldn’t hold in her giggles. No matter how many times she heard that voice, it never failed to make her laugh. It made Katya’s heart swell with pride each time, making her laugh. There was no other sound that made her as happy as the sound of Trixie’s laugh.</p><p>“What’re you doing in here?” Trixie inquired. </p><p>Katya tensed, “It’s nothing really.” This answer didn’t satisfy Trixie in the slightest and she knew this. “Doesn’t matter. Couldn’t figure this damn book out if you hit me over the head with it.” She gave an apologetic smile. Trixie, still naively curious, reached out for it. </p><p>“I could try and help you if you w-” </p><p>Katya closed it quickly, moving it behind her. “No, it’s alright.” </p><p>She blushed, thinking about how there was no way in hell she could show her spellbook to pure, devout Christian Trixie. Trixie looked confused but decided to drop the subject.</p><p>The rest of the night they talked, ate dinner, and Katya cleaned up around the house while Trixie spent time unpacking her things, reading some scripture, and writing in her journal. She admired the bedroom and the familiar walls around her. Flowers and various plants littered the room and hung on the walls. There were shelves full of bottles and jars and a small window decorated with a richly colored tapestry. It felt much fuller than her own home, but somehow just as comfortable.</p><p>The sky had gone fully dark by the time they laid down to bed. Only the dim light of the moon could be seen from the window. Trixie changed into her sleepwear, a long snow-white nightgown with long sleeves that ruffled at the edges and taken her hair out of its updo. Her roots ached as her golden blond curls fell out of their place in her head. </p><p>She was combing her hair when Katya came to bed. Her bed wasn’t as large as her parents’ and instead of being on a frame simply sat as a mattress on the rug. Trixie never thought much about the inevitable sleeping arrangements of this stay. Now, she figured it wasn’t a big deal. She’d shared a bed with Katya many times when they were kids. It wouldn’t bother her.</p><p>That’s what Trixie thought anyway. Trixie had just finished saying her nightly prayers as Mr. and Ms. Zamo blew out the remaining lamp. It hardly took Trixie 5 minutes to realize how incredibly close she was to Katya in her bed. They laid facing each other, inches apart. Katya looked up at Trixie, eyes heavy with sleep. “I bet this feels different from sleeping with John, huh?” she snickered quietly. Trixie was a little stunned at this. </p><p>“Uh, I-” </p><p>Katya only laughed harder. </p><p>Trixie had thought about what Katya said. Even long after her friend had fallen asleep. She couldn’t shake it from her mind. Why would she compare herself to John? Of course, it was different, she thought. John was her husband, when she was with him she felt safe, she felt content to have a home and a husband. Hopefully one day children of her own.</p><p>Katya made her feel strange. In a way that felt like bees in her stomach and clouds in her head. The way she smelled like cinnamon and rose, how her skin felt too hot against Trixie’s even in the dead of winter. The feeling left Trixie with more questions than she could answer. It felt absolutely wrong. </p><p>Trixie looked at the girl next to her. Eyes closed, lips parted ever so slightly. She looked at her lips, now pale being washed from the usual red paint, and the natural flush of her high-set cheeks. They were teenagers when Katya started wearing the red on her lips. They’d fight about it back then. Trixie couldn’t understand why it was necessary. To paint your face is only to cover it in shame of what God blessed you with. She was never so vain in her appearance. </p><p>She used to think of the devilish women who painted their lips red to seduce men. But Katya didn’t seem to be trying to seduce anyone. In fact, Trixie had never seen her show interest in a man. She was now 24 and unmarried, this continuously shocked Trixie. </p><p>She’d known her father’s (and the lord’s) plan for her since she was young. Her father had practically forced her to get married the moment Trixie finished school. And so she did. John was the son of her father’s friend, he was quite handsome, tall, and about 6 years older than Trixie. He was enamored with her, it was natural the way it happened. The way it was supposed to go. </p><p>It was almost a year ago the day she told Katya they were supposed to be married. She was anxious to tell Katya the news. She buzzed with excitement and anticipation as she walked. That afternoon, Katya sat patiently listening to Trixie recount her day. “Sounds boring, I don’t know how you sit through that every day.” She remarked.</p><p>“No, I have something else to tell you!” Trixie practically beamed.</p><p>“John and I are getting married!” There suddenly a large pit formed in Katya’s stomach.</p><p>“What? Why!?”</p><p>“He’s so good to me, Kat. He works for a very influential trade company in Boston, you know. My father loves him.”</p><p> Katya looked at her incredulously. </p><p>“But do you love him? Do you even want to get married?”</p><p>Trixie’s face turned into one of irritation. “Of course I do! Why would you ask me that?” How dare she imply she didn’t love John? Of course, she did, they were getting married! Katya, sensing she shouldn’t push the subject, moved on. </p><p>“Am I invited?” She asked.</p><p> Trixie went quiet for a moment. “Katya…” She continued, “you know my father wouldn’t approve of you going.” </p><p>Even though this is exactly what Katya expected that doesn’t stop the sick feeling in her stomach from bubbling up. Her throat felt tight like she couldn’t speak even if she tried. “That’s what I thought,” She managed. Trixie looked at her dejectedly, not finding the words to say. She left early that day. </p><p>Their relationship has never been quite the same since but Trixie was determined to keep her best friend. The day after the wedding, Trixie showed up at Katya’s house for the first time in 2 weeks with her bouquet in hand. A bundle of hyacinths and roses in pink and blue. “I’m sorry,” She told Katya, tears brimming her eyes. “I brought these for you. I thought you might like them.” </p><p>Katya stood there frozen, she’d never been good with dealing with her emotions, much less other peoples. But here stood her recently married childhood friend, the girl she loved more than anything at her door with apology flowers. “I love them,” Katya said, taking them into her hands, smiling. Trixie smiled too, tears running down her round cheeks. </p><p>	It all seemed like a very long time ago now as Trixie lay next to Katya. It brought her peace being here with her. Their bodies close under the warmth of the blankets. She could feel long Katya’s hair tickling her neck where it laid and she couldn’t help smiling before closing her eyes once more and drifting off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Scarlet Forest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Trixie has an interesting dream</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was hot here, Trixie thought. Too hot for January. Slowly, she became aware of her surroundings. She was in the forest at the edge of the river. It must’ve been noon, the sun shining hard down between the trees almost burning against her skin. It was quiet here. Not even the sounds of the birds, the leaves, or flowing water could be heard and she was just as she’d gone to bed in her nightgown, barefoot. </p><p>It made her ill at ease, the feeling of the mud and grass beneath her feet. Even standing perfectly still, the ground slithered and writhed beneath her like worms. She started walking, where she didn’t know. The mud was wet and sticky between her toes, pulling her every so slightly deeper into the earth with each step. Trixie kept walking, not in any particular direction, into the sea of trees that only seemed to stretch farther and taller. </p><p>The first sound she heard was her husband’s voice. </p><p>“Beatrice!”</p><p>Trixie turned to see where the voice had come from but it came from every direction at once. She nearly screamed as she was pulled into the embrace of a large man. He pulled back, it was John. “There you are, my love.” He smiled tenderly at her. If Trixie’s thoughts weren’t before they were all jumbled now.</p><p>“Didn’t you leave for Boston yesterday?” Trixie tried to recall what happened but a thick fog covered her thoughts and she remembered the heat. “What is today?” 

</p><p>“Are you feeling alright, Beatrice? I haven't gone anywhere.” He let out a small chuckle, “You should keep inside, you’re going to catch a cold out here.”</p><p>“Cold?” She mumbled, her eyes pointed at the ground. It wasn’t cold at all, she rubbed her arms feeling like a piece of meat being roasted over the fire. John put his arm around her, bringing his hand to her cheek. His skin was cool to the touch. She leaned into his palm affectionately. </p><p>“I’m worried about you,” John said tentatively. “You’ve been obeying the lord’s word, right?” </p><p>Trixie’s eye widened, caught off guard by his statement. “Of course!’’ She replied quickly and defensively. </p><p>“Of course.” He smirked and leaned down to kiss her. Trixie kissed back, suddenly feeling something… off. The kiss was gentler than any she’d shared with him before. He was a kind but rough man. All hard around the edges, scratchy stubble and uncoordinated movements. This kiss was delicious and sweet, her partner’s lips were plush and soft. They kissed her delicately but passionately. Trixie’s  heart swelled as she threw her arms around his neck. </p><p>What she did not expect to feel was long, soft hair that ran down the person’s back. Trixie broke the kiss in shock. She barely had time to register who she was looking at. “Trixie?” It was Katya, looking at her with concern. Trixie’s mind swirled with a dreamy haze. Everything that seemed very clear moments before became faded. The sun, the forest, John… Katya kissed her again and Trixie’s grip on her tightened as she kissed back. </p><p>A warmth enveloped Trixie, one much more pleasant than the sun’s. She felt it dancing on their skin and in her chest. Katya was so soft. For the first time in her life Trixie felt she was where she belonged. She didn’t want to think about how it felt or what it meant. When they pulled apart once more Katya wasn’t there anymore. Trixie looked back up where Katya had been to see nothing but forest. </p><p>The sun’s heat was searing as she stood alone once more, looking frantically for her friend. Suddenly, dark crows filled the sky, They flew and gathered until the sky was blanketed in a pitch black velvet. Each one of them cawed and screeched at her. A thousand shrill screams enveloped her. </p><p>She covered her ears as they soared and cried tears of salt above her. They cried until the river flooded and the trees were engulfed in the sea. The mud rose and Trixie sank. She sank into the dark waters farther and farther until she couldn’t hear them anymore. And then, in the depths of Trixie’s mind, it was silent again. </p><p>When Katya awoke the sun’s head had hardly reached the horizon. The first she realized in her hazy state was her friend’s soft cries. Next to her, Trixie laid on her side and sobbed into her pillow. She must be dreaming, Katya thought. The sight pained her and a tight knot formed in her chest. Carefully, she placed her hand on Trixie’s shoulder and shook her gently. She felt equally bad for waking her up or leaving her alone during a nightmare.</p><p>“Trixie…” She called too softly to probably be effective. She glanced over her shoulder to her parents bed. It was empty, so they were already awake. Her father had probably left for work by now. She turned her attention to Trixie and shook her again, slightly harder this time. She let out a sigh of relief when her friend’s eyes slowly opened. Her face was wet and red from crying but somehow, Katya thought, didn’t make her less beautiful.</p><p>“John?” Trixie’s voice was slow and heavy from sleep. Katya frowned. She didn’t have much time to respond before it clicked for Trixie where she was. Katya’s house, Katya’s bed, but most importantly dry, safe, and cool from the winter morning air. She sat up, shivering a bit as she became uncovered by the warm blanket. </p><p>“Are you ok?” Katya asked, her hand still lingering on Trixie’s shoulder. Whatever temporary peace waking up had granted her was lost as Trixie remembered her dream. She suddenly felt strange and uncomfortable where she sat. </p><p>“It was just a bad dream. I’m okay.” She said, not meeting Katya’s eyes. </p><p>The blonde’s eyes narrowed, “I know you better than that to believe that.” </p><p>She moved her hand up to wipe the tears from Trixie’s cheek. Trixie tensed but ultimately didn’t pull away, still looking at the floor. There was a beat of silence before Trixie looked at Katya again. “I’m okay.” She said, smiling gently. Her eyes searching Katya’s face for any hint of mercy. Katya didn’t press it again. </p><p>All throughout the morning Trixie couldn’t shake the memory of her dream. It weighed heavy in her mind, making her feel far out from reality. If Katya noticed her weird behavior she didn’t comment on it. Thankfully, they went their separate way after a quick breakfast. While Katya tended to the house and garden, Trixie slipped away back to town to run a few “errands”. </p><p>The walk from her friend’s house had always provided the ideal time to get lost in her own thoughts for a while. Something that was quite dangerous this morning. Trixie wanted nothing more than to get that nightmare out of her thoughts. The thought of the John’s- no Katya’s lips against hers. The feeling of their chests pressed together and Katya’s hand against her cheek. </p><p>The new feelings this provoked made her sick to her stomach. She thought she would be sick or maybe she was to have such dreams and thoughts. She was happily married to a man! God knew, she thought. If this was her test, she could overcome it. Her father had told her when she was young, “The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from temptation,” He said, “and to keep the unrighteous under punishment for the day of judgment.” </p><p>And she certainly wasn’t going to be on the wrong end of the scale when the time came. That’s why that morning she’d decided she’d go to the church to confess her sins and pray. She’d always found the most guidance there. What she was definitely not going to do was tell Katya.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry this took so long t_t i went through a pretty rough breakup this summer and it put me off of trixya for a while but i care about this story too much to let it go unfinished &gt;:]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Absolution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this one took so long! it was meant to be released on valentines but i wasn't happy with it </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At home, Katya made herself busy with work and chores. She took the opportunity of Trixie being gone to cleanse her space and work on a few spells. </p><p>She lit a bundle of sage and let the smoke drift throughout the house. It didn’t smell the best but she hardly noticed it anymore. If anything it smelt like home. </p><p>She took out a large, leather bound book and scribbled notes down as she counted various herbs and flowers on the shelves. She’d gather more when she went out to the garden today but her mother was sort of meticulous about this sort of thing.</p><p>Her handwriting wasn’t exactly neat or entirely legible to anyone but Katya but she made do. But Trixie, she thought, had incredible writing. Years of schooling, reading and writing scripture really did her well. </p><p>Trixie often helped her with her own studies even when it wasn’t entirely applicable to Katya. But she knew much more than she ever would have had she not had Trixie. </p><p>But what she lacked in book smarts she gained in magical and spiritual ability. At her core she was connected with the earth, with the ocean and the sky. She lived to be happy and make others happy. </p><p>Katya had always known how different her life was from Trixie’s. Trixie had always been desperate to please others or maybe she just felt she had to. She did what </p><p>There was so much of Trixie that people didn’t see. Things only Katya saw, things Trixie let her see. The way Katya makes her laugh so hard she screams, the way she softly sings while she sews or how she secretly goes to the shop just to see the beautiful dolls.</p><p>She likes to think it goes both ways. They simply understood each other and that was enough or at least it had to be.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Trixie arrived in town earlier than expected. Luckily, she managed to make it to the church without being recognized and consequently questioned about her whereabouts. </p><p>There were few people here at this time of day. She tried not to make eye contact with anyone as she made a beeline for the pastor, who sat reading at the very front.</p><p>“Pastor Smith,” She called him. He looked up, recognizing her and smiling fondly. </p><p>“Beatrice! Hello!” </p><p>She smiled back hesitantly. The rush of thoughts in her mind made it difficult to keep up the charades. She watched him mark his page and set his book aside as she chose her words carefully. </p><p>“Could I have a moment to speak with you?” </p><p>He agreed and led her to a more secluded part of the church. Trixie twirled the ties of her coif nervously. She knew she was overthinking this. It was nothing to worry about, Pastor Smith would surely tell her.</p><p>When he asked her what was wrong the words seemingly stuck like a lump in her throat.</p><p>“Well, you see, Pastor…” </p><p>She forced herself to look up from her hands as she spoke to him.</p><p>“I have this… friend in need of guidance. She’s married but she has these thoughts…” </p><p>Trixie took a deep breath, continuing.</p><p>“Thoughts that maybe she isn’t where she’s supposed to be, with who she’s supposed to be.” </p><p>Her pastor looked at her thoughtfully. “Well, who does she want to be with?” </p><p>Trixie’s brows furrowed. How could she possibly answer that? It seemed so obvious. She belonged with her husband, John. It was painfully obvious until it wasn’t.</p><p>After another beat of silence, the elder spoke up again. </p><p>“It’s alright, Beatrice. You must know and let her know, God will always guide you to the place you need to be most. The Lord does not make mistakes. In the end, you will find happiness.” </p><p>Trixie thought about his words for a while, even after she had left. They had not been as comforting as she thought they would be.</p><p>Her whole life she had never found it hard to put her trust in God, in her friends, and her family. They knew what was best for her.</p><p>She was never left room to consider what she wanted for herself. Maybe it didn’t matter what she wanted, as long as she prayed she would be okay. Now, she wasn’t sure at all.</p><p>Katya never prayed and she was so happy. She made Trixie so happy. Sometimes Trixie wished it was that easy. To not have to choose her family over her desires.</p><p>But most of all she wished to be with Katya. She loved her so much it scared her. It was different to how she loved her father, how she loved John. Katya made her feel full.</p><p>Her friend had changed her in ways Trixie wasn’t ready to admit to herself. Ways that made Trixie feel separated from her faith at times.  But as much as Katya was different she couldn’t imagine her any other way. </p><p> </p><p>It was afternoon when Trixie got back to Katya’s. She met her friend in the garden where Katya’s eyes lit up upon seeing her. </p><p>“Trixie! Trixie! Look at this!”</p><p>Trixie looked curiously as Katya extended clasped hands out to her. Peering inside, there was a small brown frog. </p><p>“Ah! Katya! Why are you holding it!” </p><p>Trixie screamed and jumped away as Katya giggled harder, closing her palms together when the frog tried to jump out. </p><p>Katya stepped closer to her friend playfully. “Don’t be rude, Beatrice, he can hear you!”</p><p>Trixie kept stepping back. “He can’t hear me, he's a frog… You don’t even know it’s a he.” </p><p>This made Katya look down at the small gap in her hands thoughtfully. Before she could reply the frog made one final escape attempt, jumping out of her hands and into the grass.</p><p>Katya huffed, “You scared him,” she said, wiping her dirt covered hands on her apron.</p><p>“Kat, wash your hands at least!”</p><p> Trixie laughed, looking at her friend almost equally amused and disgusted. Katya only rolled her eyes as she picked up her basket and headed back inside with Trixie.</p>
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